"back it up and dump it..."

LOL @ the title, right? i won't even post the link to that song, because i'm pretty sure you're already singing it to yourself...nasty. :p

on a more serious note: ever wish you had a remote control for your life with a big, huge PAUSE button smack-dab in the middle of it? definitely wishing for that right now. what with getting ready to move, preparing to teach for my church's Vacation Bible School, and being mommy to the greatest baby ever, as well as trying to get my mind ready for GRAD SCHOOL, my head is starting to spin, to say the least. so in an effort to alleviate some of the spinnage, i'm pretty much just going to do a mind dump. right here. right now. ready? me either. but let's go...

last year on father's day, i wished my daddy a happy one [of course], but i also wished one to the single mothers who also play the father's role in their child[ren]'s lives. a year later, i say "scratch that". i know i, for one, am no one's father. as i am a woman [clearly: i gave birth, hello!], it is anatomically impossible for me to be a father, as a father is male. i also realized that single mothers aren't fathers, because fathers [talking about present, good or trying-to-be good fathers and father figures only] are supposed to be true examples of a real man who takes on the responsibilities of a father because he knows that it's the right thing to do. i can't be the epitome of the type of man i want my daughter to be with, because i'm not a man. however, my daddy can and does that for her. my granpda can and does that for her. brothers at the church can and do that for her. hopefully, my brothers will be able to do that for her. not me. all i can do is point out these fine examples and pray that she takes them to heart. [happy father's day daddy & Old Ben Ivery!]

i'm scared that i may not be ready. ready for graduate-level coursework. ready for independent living with just me and Gabriela. ready for the "real world". what if i got it together to get in to grad school, only to fall apart once i start? and yes, i'm always praying, but self-doubt is a slick sucker that isn't so easily expelled from my brain. just gotta keep telling myself: "i can do this. i GOT this. i will do this. i HAVE to do this." and eventually, i'll believe that i can do it. then i'll just do it. then it will be done. speaking it into existence!!

a week late, but i can't say enough how blessed my daughter is. me too, of course, but do ya'll know that with all of her birthday gifts, she has the full summer wardrobe that i was just beginning to wonder how i would provide? i mean, anything i buy for her from now on will be in preparation for fall/winter! tell me God isn't great, and i'll instruct you to read every post in this blog, re-read this paragraph, and you'll be forced to change  your mind...

i think that's all of the dumping i have to do for today. hopefully we'll see some more posting before next week, but right now i'm on the YOU of A campus, in a room on the third floor of a dorm with no elevators, preparing for a week of job shadowing to get an idea of my upcoming Graduate Assistant responsibilities. did i mention that i was on the THIRD floor of a DORM with NO ELEVATORS!?!? someone's going to be losing some weight this week...LOL. and how you know it's been FOREVER [like, three years] since i've lived in a dorm? i forgot bedding! i had to go buy some from good ole Wally World. must've thought i was staying in a hotel; one look in the shower snapped me back to reality! anywho, enough about the mundane activities of my day. except for this: i'm here WITHOUT my Punkin!!! so it'll be interesting to see how we BOTH act during this week...mmk, bye bye now!

-love always, elle&gee-