"it's been a long time, i shouldn't have left you [left you]..."

"...without a dope beat to step to."

lol. it's been almost a month since the last post? just sad...i was doing pretty well, too! ah, c'est la vie. i won't promise regularity, but as always, i'll do my best to be more regular. in posting, that is, not as in...never mind. ANYWHO!! i really despise the long catch-up posts that i used to do; they're so tedious and i always feel guilty if i don't include every detail, so i won't do those anymore. if you'd like to catch up with what we've been doing lately, find us on Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. now that that's out of the way, on to today's topic...

it's not easy being a mommy. especially a young mommy and/or mommy with no husband/boyfriend/partner/boo-thang/person-besides-your-family-and-friends-to-be-there-with-and-for-you-on-a-regular-basis. ask me how i know? well sure, i've been living with my parents ever since Gabriela was born, and yes, they've been awesome BEYOND the highest levels of awesomeness. but i'm about to be 5 hours away with them. in my own place. with G. just the two of us. so slowly but surely, i've been trying to wean myself off of their assistance. things like putting the car seat in or carrying the playpen around, which my daddy used to do, i insist that i do instead, because there won't be a man around to help on a regular basis when we move. i feel the urgent need to drill that into my head and get used to it before it becomes my reality. and talk about scaaaared??? who wouldn't be? HECK yes i'm scared. and worried that i won't adjust to truly being a single parent and student and living on my own. however, that's where the power of "faking it til you're making it" comes in. i had to do it when i first cut my hair and went natural three years ago. i HATED it for 2 months b/c i thought i looked like a boy, but i put my big hoops in, a little makeup on and acted like i was the just-about-bald headed queen of the world. until i believed it. and then i was the not-as-bald-headed queen of a small area. lol. but i'll be looking back on that queen and drawing on the confidence she exuded. i'll be the just-about-bald headed queen of MY world, where G is the junior queen-in-training and WE are unstoppable. i'll do my best to ask for help [i'm getting better about that], and will *always* offer my help to those in similar situations or who could benefit from my experiences. just because you're not always sure of what you're doing doesn't mean you can't help others along the way to finding your footing! too many people feel like they need to "get themselves together" before they can help anyone else. a lot of times, it's good for others to see that you have struggles, because they then no longer feel like they're trying to catch up with/learn from a perfect prototype. none of us are perfect. we all struggle. the least you can do is help someone who's struggling a little more than you are. i didn't really mean to go off on that tangent, but i bet somebody, somewhere out there needed to read that. so there it is! 

but back to the young moms: i don't normally say this, but we gotta stick together. not in that we must blindly follow every leader who was once a single mommy [like some people do for their particular race, and that goes for all races]. i'm saying that when we can, we need to help each other out! i'm always down to give what little advice i can to others, whether their child is just a few months younger or still in the womb. or sometimes, a year or so older. realize, ya'll, that just because we're young and haven't been mothers that long, we still have valuable information to offer to others. i've made a great friend who i may not have been as close with if we weren't both mothers. i can talk to her about things that i may not necessarily talk to with my other friends, simply because i know she can relate. i'm not saying you have to be BFFs with every Facebook friend that pops up pregnant. i wouldn't do that. it's as simple as giving an encouraging word during her pregnancy, offering assistance or baby clothes/supplies, whatever. small things really do make a difference. i don't always respond, but it warms my heart when people comment on pictures of G and compliment my mothering skills. little things. if you can, offer to keep another mommy's baby so that she can go grocery shopping or to the mall w/o worrying about changing a diaper. yuck, i'm rambling...but i think ya'll get the point. so i'll stop. if one person takes one thing from this post and applies it to real life, i'll be happy. :)

and i'll probably post again later today [or in like 5 minutes] as a treat/apology for staying away so long! you're welcome. hehe. until next time!

-love elle&gee-

PS: please excuse any typos. too lazy to go check!

"back it up and dump it..."

LOL @ the title, right? i won't even post the link to that song, because i'm pretty sure you're already singing it to yourself...nasty. :p

on a more serious note: ever wish you had a remote control for your life with a big, huge PAUSE button smack-dab in the middle of it? definitely wishing for that right now. what with getting ready to move, preparing to teach for my church's Vacation Bible School, and being mommy to the greatest baby ever, as well as trying to get my mind ready for GRAD SCHOOL, my head is starting to spin, to say the least. so in an effort to alleviate some of the spinnage, i'm pretty much just going to do a mind dump. right here. right now. ready? me either. but let's go...

last year on father's day, i wished my daddy a happy one [of course], but i also wished one to the single mothers who also play the father's role in their child[ren]'s lives. a year later, i say "scratch that". i know i, for one, am no one's father. as i am a woman [clearly: i gave birth, hello!], it is anatomically impossible for me to be a father, as a father is male. i also realized that single mothers aren't fathers, because fathers [talking about present, good or trying-to-be good fathers and father figures only] are supposed to be true examples of a real man who takes on the responsibilities of a father because he knows that it's the right thing to do. i can't be the epitome of the type of man i want my daughter to be with, because i'm not a man. however, my daddy can and does that for her. my granpda can and does that for her. brothers at the church can and do that for her. hopefully, my brothers will be able to do that for her. not me. all i can do is point out these fine examples and pray that she takes them to heart. [happy father's day daddy & Old Ben Ivery!]

i'm scared that i may not be ready. ready for graduate-level coursework. ready for independent living with just me and Gabriela. ready for the "real world". what if i got it together to get in to grad school, only to fall apart once i start? and yes, i'm always praying, but self-doubt is a slick sucker that isn't so easily expelled from my brain. just gotta keep telling myself: "i can do this. i GOT this. i will do this. i HAVE to do this." and eventually, i'll believe that i can do it. then i'll just do it. then it will be done. speaking it into existence!!

a week late, but i can't say enough how blessed my daughter is. me too, of course, but do ya'll know that with all of her birthday gifts, she has the full summer wardrobe that i was just beginning to wonder how i would provide? i mean, anything i buy for her from now on will be in preparation for fall/winter! tell me God isn't great, and i'll instruct you to read every post in this blog, re-read this paragraph, and you'll be forced to change  your mind...

i think that's all of the dumping i have to do for today. hopefully we'll see some more posting before next week, but right now i'm on the YOU of A campus, in a room on the third floor of a dorm with no elevators, preparing for a week of job shadowing to get an idea of my upcoming Graduate Assistant responsibilities. did i mention that i was on the THIRD floor of a DORM with NO ELEVATORS!?!? someone's going to be losing some weight this week...LOL. and how you know it's been FOREVER [like, three years] since i've lived in a dorm? i forgot bedding! i had to go buy some from good ole Wally World. must've thought i was staying in a hotel; one look in the shower snapped me back to reality! anywho, enough about the mundane activities of my day. except for this: i'm here WITHOUT my Punkin!!! so it'll be interesting to see how we BOTH act during this week...mmk, bye bye now!

-love always, elle&gee-

lists 5, 6, 7 and some thoughts...

observation: more than one person has asked me "what about the baby?" when i tell them my plans of going to grad school. i say, "what about the baby?"
"aren't you going to leave her with your parents?"
huge PAUSE.
umm, no! i didn't decide to bring Gee into the world, only to dump her on my parents while i go and do my thing. for me, that's not how motherhood works. where i go, Gee goes. period. i guess it would be "easier" to leave Gee here and go to school, in that i wouldn't have to worry about getting her to school and playing with her when she's not ready for bed, even if i have a test the next morning...but motherhood is not "easy". and since Gee is MY daughter (not my parents), she and i will be going down the "non-easy" road together. if i were to leave my baby here, i'd be broke for trying to come see here all the time!! :) so no, i'm not leaving my baby anywhere besides the daycare around the way from campus. and that's that. hmph.

now, on a brighter note, it's time to catch up (once again) on my 30 Days of Lists!! i'll just jot them down here, for now; the cutesy journaled lists will come (hopefully) tomorrow... :)

List#CINCO: Weekend Goals
1| Rest
2| Relax
3| Hang out with G :)
4| Rest
5| RELAX!!

List#SEIS: Least Favorite Words/Phrases
1| "No Homo" :-/
2| "Swagger"
3| "No Homo" (really REALLY hate that phrase)
4| #winning
5| "i think she needs her diaper changed..." (LOL)

List#SIETE: BLOG GOALS!
1| Post 3-4 times a week/on a regular basis.
2| Be diligent about weekly features like "A Day in the Life", and start another one (probably music-related).
3| Quit going on post-hiatuses (is that how you pluralize "hiatus"? probably not...oh well)
4| Post more snippets/stories about Gee ("quit being selfish, Mom, jeez!")
5| Keep enjoying it! ;)

tomorrow, hopefully you'll see lists 8-10, plus it will be the 10-month G*DAY!! well, technically, it's already G*DAY, but that's neither here nor there. there'll be updated info on Gee's sophisticated palate (lol), hair breakthroughs (YES!), and movement. love that girl! nighty-night :D

-love elle&gee-

ramble, ramble... #1

just as i was doing good, i don't post for a week... shaking my head at myself, but oh well. i really need to go to bed, but i figured i'd get this thought out before it gets lost in my brain space, even though it's something that runs across my mind almost daily. it always irks me to hear parents (especially mothers) - especially those of babies and young children - complain about how inconvenient their children are, whether directly or indirectly. well, duh! parenthood is the antonym of "convenience". first, somebody has to do one of three things: 1) push the child(ren) out; 2) get the child(ren) cut out of their body; or 3) file all of the paperwork for adoption. while some of those may be more or less painful than the others, they are all inconvenient. no matter how much you love your child, there's no way you'd honestly say that getting up with your child at 3 in the a.m. is fun. it's not. cleaning yourself (and your child) up after she projectile spit-up all over you, your couch and the floor is not fun. cleaning bottles, cups, and high chairs; washing and stain treating poop-stained clothes; getting peed on...all not fun (although the last one, in certain situations, can be quite funny). however, all of these not fun things come with the amazing wondrousness of being a parent. and don't get me wrong, being a parent really is amazing wondrousness, about 92.33% of the time. i think i've started rambling; did i mention it was late? anyway, back to the point. the reason why this complaining irks me so is because parenthood is also a CHOICE, as i've explained in an earlier post. so if you make the choice to become a parent, don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you because your child is an "inconvenience". don't get me wrong; i have my moments, minutes, days where i'm like "man! this child is a piece of WORK!!" (yes, double exclamation points are totally necessary); that's not what i'm referring to. i'm referring to people who ignore their crying children in public places as they haggle over lottery tickets (didn't i just see you with a WIC folder? why do you have a lottery ticket anyway??). i'm referring to young parents who daily, publicly, loudly mourn the loss of their carefree youth due to the responsibilities of being a parent (GOTS ta be more careful! self included). i'm referring to parents who hurt or even murder their children because they were too expensive, too needy, crying too much and too frequently...i can't. i just don't understand how you could bring someone into this world, a someone who relies on you for protection, nurturing, love, guidance, PROTECTION, and you kill them? because they cried too much? or whatever the reason; they're all bad. but back to the point (again; it's getting really late). if you don't think you can handle parenthood, either don't have sex, use triple-quadruple protection during sex (but to be really sure, just don't have it), don't have the child, give the child to someone who is willing and able to be her parent, or suck it up and deal with the consequences of your actions. if you choose the last option - emphasis on CHOOSE - we really don't want to hear about every little inconvenience your child brings you. Really. Don't. Wanna. Hear. It. really. just keep those thoughts to yourself and focus on your love (i hope) for you child, and how you can raise that child the best way you can. if you can't do that, you seriously need to get some help, for your sanity and for the welfare of your child. there's no shame in telling someone that you think something isn't right with your mind; it's more common of a problem than you know...but more on that later (maybe). there'll be a much better post tomorrow or Saturday; working out another "Day in the Life" so Gee can tell y'all what a clumsy mother she has and how she deals with it. :D

- up WAY past bedtime elle :)

have you ever...

...wanted to record something your child did (write it/type it/text it/etc.), got distracted by your child, then totally forgot the cute thing they did that you wanted to record? i'm still trying to remember what Gee did earlier today that i wanted to write in her baby book. :/

...finished one task in a series of many tasks with such a feeling of accomplishment that you struggle to start on any of the other tasks because you feel too "done"? that has to make sense to somebody. the autobiography is complete; 7 neat, 1.5-spaced, 0.75-margined pages of my life. but now i have to edit it. and send it to other people so they can help me edit it. then i have to revise my resume. then i have to send out recommendation forms...o-m-jeez. [however, procrastination is apparently the best friend of this blog. lol.]

...been faced with a decision like this: keep someone in your life that you love Love LOVE and who love Love LOVES you (but who is also quite capable of draining you of energy and light and happiness) OR let that someone go and try to find someone who you think can make you happier (yet you still think about the first someone every single day, several times a day). i don't know that i really believe in 50th chances. i do believe that love sucks, though. lol.

...heard that cry over the monitor and fleetingly wondered what your life would be like without the little person behind the cry, then immediately felt foolish (because you can't change the past) and guilty (because you love that little person with all your heart)?

...been so deeply depressed that you shut yourself away from the world, emerging only for the necessities, communicating on a regular basis with only 4 or 5 people, barely eating, watching TV show after TV show in order to escape the inescapable and ridiculously sucky reality of your own life?

...trudged through your day to day life with no direction, no ambition, no long-term (and barely any short-term) goals until a light from heaven shines and you hear the choir of angels sing as you have that AHA! moment in which you figure out what it is you're supposed to be doing?

...been so naive that when your veil of ignorance is lifted, you just want to reach back into the past and slap yourself once or twice or ten times?

...loved someone so much that your heart fills to bursting with love every time that they smile?

...tried being stern with someone who doesn't know the meaning of stern so they just laugh when you say "No!" and you can't help but to laugh and hug and kiss them because they're only 8 months old and don't really care that their wiggling around is interfering with your hair-styling abilities?

...gone to pick up a little someone from daycare and seen the hugest, brightest smile a little someone could have, then heard their infectious giggle as you got closer to them and finally experienced the pure joy of a baby who is ecstatic to see their mother when you scoop the little someone up in your arms? o-m-jeez, i can't think of a more AH-MAAAA-ZING feeling in this world.

...rocked a little someone to sleep, fully intending to put them in the bed in five minutes, and end up holding them for the entire duration of their two-hour nap, maybe or maybe not falling asleep yourself? there's something so incredibly peaceful about watching a baby sleep...

...just started writing with no particular direction in mind and spill out a few pieces of your soul onto the keyboard? if not, you really should...even if you're the only one reading it, it's always better to release your burdens and hurts and pains rather than carrying them around with you. it gets really heavy after a while...

...run out of relevant things to say so you keep saying the same thing a bunch of different ways hoping no one will notice what you're doing, then finally decide to just stop and leave well enough alone?

for me, the answer is yes to all of the above. and you? :)

-procrastinating elle

PS: Gee has TWO TEETH! she won't let me get good pictures of them though, lol, but as soon as she does, you will see them. just as i thought she couldn't get any more adorable... :)

i know, i know...

...i never did get around to posting for the 8-month-G*DAY. and here it is the 9-month-G*DAY coming up in 8 days. WHAAAAAAT!?!?!?!?!?! craziness, right? my daddy and I moved G's crib down a couple of nights ago. we were initially going to move it down one notch, but after we saw all the trouble it was gonna take, we just moved it all the way to the bottom. so now, when i'm putting my precious pumpkin pie in the bed, i feel like i'm placing her in a bottomless pit. i mean, i'm not the tallest person in the world (where are my 5'0" people at? lol), and i was already getting on my tiptoes to put her in the bed. can you imagine? anywho...

i put Gee in her playpen yesterday - i'm trying to put her in there a few times of day so that when we go on trips and she needs to go in there for naps and such, it won't be an issue - and went in the kitchen (which is right around the corner). i come back around the corner, and Gee has rolled over and is on all fours trying to pull herself up to standing. NOOOOOOOOOOOO/YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean, believe me, i am ready to not have to haul my chunky mama everywhere, BUT she can't walk and she's already into everything; i won't need ANY help losing weight once i'm chasing after her! and then there's the hair...

that glorious hair. i've ditched the blow-dryer for now, opting instead to *thoroughly* detangle and towel-dry 'til it's only slightly damp. it's so much softer after that, plus i love how her hair stays curly without being in knots. my sister Toots introduced me to the TangleTeezer (http://www.tangleteezer.com/): y'all, this thing works miracles on Gee's AND my hair. and if you've ever seen how thick and tightly curled my hair is, that's saying a LOT. lol. so with this little tool in my arsenal (plus giving Gee her own [clean] comb to chew on), hair time has become MUCH less dramatic. for now, anyways.

did i mention that Gee is almost 9 months old? i just had to say it again, because it's pretty freakin' unbelievable. but not unwelcome. i've heard women say that they miss the days when their children were babies, but my mom & i are in agreement: i wholeheartedly embrace Gee's impending toddlerhood. i want her to talk to me in words i can understand (she says "A-ga-ga!" a lot; this morning, i asked her what it meant. she just said "A-ga-ga!" lol). i want her to be able to toddle around and explore (even if i'm going to have to chase after her). i wanna hear and see her say "i love you mommy!" and sing and dance and swim and run... not that i'm not enjoying her being a baby. i'm just excited about all of the amazing-ness in her future. OUR future. man, i love that little girl. pretty sure she loves me, too, but if i ask her, i'm guessing she'll just say "A-ga-ga!" :)

-love elle&gee

terrible.

as in, i'm doing a terrible job of updating this. ah well, better late than never, right? sooo, Gee can pull herself up to standing from sitting in her crib. she can't go from laying down to sitting yet, so i think i'm pretty safe for now LOL. we sorta kinda have some crawl-age going on, but for now it's only backwards. she tries so hard, though! AND her hair is long enough to put into a completely legitimate ponytail. she's been sick with some kind of viral cold or something for most of the past week, which she ever so kindly passed onto me by slobbing me in the mouth [yuck]. we went to the doctor on Tuesday, and she was prescribed an antihistamine, but the cough isn't going away so we're going back to the doctor tomorrow. [SN: family doctor DEFINITELY does NOT = pediatrician. keep that in mind when/if you have kids, people!]

anyways, another "milestone": Gee had the pleasure of chomping on her first chicken bone yesterday, courtesy of [who else] her Nana. i promise, my mother and other women from church have been trying to get me to let Gee have a chicken bone since she was, like, three months old. seeing as she's almost 8 months old, i went ahead and gave in. the only reason she's not still chewing on it is because Nana was scared the baby would choke on it. "next time, we'll have to give her a full-sized bone!" we? riiight...just you, Nana. this was made even more hilarious by the fact that Gee was wearing her "Grandma said I could" bib. SMH with a smile. right now, we're half-watching the Super Bowl, cheering for the Packers [only because my Grandpa played for them in Super Bowl II. no jokes.] now, time for me to quit my ridiculous procrastination and get into grad school. if we don't get out of this house soon, somebody (and possibly more than one-body) will go absolutely insane. guess who...? hehe. :D

toodles! -elle&gee

SEVEN-MONTH G*DAY!!!!!!!!!

baby Gee is seven months old today...does that even sound right?? not to me! but alas, time stops for no man, woman or babygirl. :) they call Gee "Gifts of Gab" at daycare; she's showing me why these days! pretty sure she gets her talkativeness from my Granny Annie (rest-in-love). that right there? was one taaaalking woman. i'm reminded of her daily when i look at bouncing baby Gee. love you G.A. :D but back to G*DAY!

little ole CRT had a snow day, so i got to spend the whoooole G*DAY with my precious babygirl. i got her dressed and combed her hair this morning. she's been doing SO much better lately as far as not fidgeting as much. she even let me get three ponytails in. granted, they were gone before lunch, but i have picture proof! haha. and man, can Gee move. she's gotten to the age where she doesn't want to be away from me unless she's distracted; hello separation anxiety! i do not welcome you :/ lol. but it had to happen, right? it's not too bad (yet), so we'll see how that goes. no teeth yet, but i think this month is the month for mouth and movement, as in a tooth (or two) and some crawling action. i'm excited/scared for both. excited for the teeth (chewing food and self-feeding FINALLY!); excited/scared for the moving around - more opportunities for her to get into something and get hurt. please believe that ours will be the most baby-proofed house on the block, if not in the town!

man, can't think of any funny stories. gotta get better about posting those when i think about them. ah well, 'til next time!

-love elle&gee-

new year, semi-new elle, same ole gee :D

sooo, i kept telling myself that i would blog about Christmas no more than 2 or 3 days after Christmas. totally didn't happen. sooo, here we go:

***CHRISTMAS 2010***
because of Gee and Gee only, our household put up Christmas lights and a big tree this year (from which it can [correctly] be inferred that neither of those have been put up for a while...lol). so Gee got to take a few home pics in her GORGEOUS holiday dress (a navy blue w/silver polka dots and fuschia tulle, courtesy of gap.com) in front of the tree. we had family come in starting the Thursday before Christmas; poor Gee didn't sleep normally until they left! she woke up several times throughout the night EVERYNIGHT from 12/23 - 12/29. perceived teething pains did NOT help matters. but anyways, back to the festivities...

christmas morning. ridiculous amount of presents under the tree. most of whom were for who? GEE!! my daddy decided that we would take turns opening presents, starting with the youngest: Gee. so that went on for a while, and she (i) opened clothes, toys, books, more clothes, more toys, etc. until finally she (i) ended up having to open one of her presents between everyone else opening presents. ridiculous! but she seemed to enjoy everything, and modeled her new jeggings outfit for the rest of the day; gotta tell ya, baby jeggings have to be THE most adorable thing ever!! but anyways... :)

so yeah, Christmas was great. nice, intimate, family-centered. lovely. new year's eve at our house is never very eventful, and this year was no different. Gee slept the new year in, and i worked on a paper until 3:30am while waiting for my sister Toots to get home from fourth meal at Huddle House (yuck). for a few years now, i haven't made any new year's resolutions. this year wasn't really different, but i did post this on The Book:

""

just kidding. apparently, The Book deleted it or something, so now i can't copy it verbatim. #wack. but basically, it said that i'm grateful to see 2011, i learned a LOT of life's lessons in 2010, and that this year will be one of application. a lesson isn't *truly* learned until you use it, so i plan to do a lot of using in the near future. and amazingly, things are getting done. slowly but surely. i did a lot of talking to myself last year, as in trying to hype myself up, bringing myself down, and building myself back up. not like schizo-16 voices in the head talking to myself. although it could be compared to that...

yeah ok, i'm rambling again, so i guess that means bedtime. i just realized i didn't talk a WHOLE lot about Gee in this post, so real quick: she's saying "mama". sure, it's in between the rest of the "mamamamamamamas", but so? lol, and apparently she's scooting around daycare. life's been hectic this week with my parents gone on a cruise and me, Toots, Gee, and our friend Cee taking care of the house and my brothers, so Gee hasn't gotten much opportunity to roll and scoot around. i'm working on it. i mean, there's sooo many different aspects to motherhood, and so many things that, when you're pregnant, seem like you'll have all the time in the world to do with your child. but time passes so quickly, and you realize that oh crap! you haven't been reading your child to sleep every night. you might let them watch too much tv. then, you realize how much you love your child and how hard you're trying to be the best mother you can be, and you know that it's all good. your kiddo won't be mad at you for missing a few things here and there. as long as they get it eventually. :)

mama loves the baby! -elle&gee

PS: working on posting more often. just can't get used to iPhone typing (still missing the BlackBerry keyboard); it'll happen soon, though. :D

Fatneck Baby Bibs!

ok, so that last post was from 2 weeks ago, but I just realized that I didn't publish it. real smart, mama. anyways, let me tell you about our bib dilemma. Gee baby has one of the fattest (yet adorable) necks ever!! she's just about outgrown all of her bibs, and I'm on a wild goose chase trying to find some bibs with wider neckholes. I've decide that I may have to design my own brand of bibs: Fatneck Baby Bibs! call me mean, but I don't mean it demeaningly. Gee has a fat neck; it's a fact. and Fatneck Baby Bibs! would allow both of us (and any other mothers of fatneck babies) to breathe a little easier. just a few more centimeters of fabric in the bib loop and voila!
too bad I'm not too business savvy and I'm way too lazy to put this idea to work. because it'd probably be a hit. but hey, you never know....

ANYWHO, guess who's sitting up? and talking my ear off! and teething like crazy...I fully expect to see a tooth by Christmas. if I don't, both me and Gee might go crazy, poor baby. she's crankiest right before bedtime, and she fights that sleep so tough! who could she have gotten that from...lol. well enough of my babbling. this was just an off-the-dome post; next one will be better! hopefully. maybe. improbably. ciao!