choice.

Gee is sleeping like the baby who inspired the phrase "sleeping like a baby." Whereas I am doing everything but trying to go to sleep. Insomnia? I don't quite know. Of late, I've just felt this intense urge to really and truly pull my life and myself together, not in a false way that will only last for a week or two, but a true lifestyle change. Organizing documents, pulling helpful articles out of magazines, getting an individual bank account that's not jointed with either of my parents. For whatever reason, the little me in my brain decided that it was time for both of us to get shaking on the path to independent adulthood. In the process of cleaning out my purse, I came across something that I wrote back in December while I was at work. I usually have so many thoughts going in my brain that I can't decide which ones to write down, so I write nothing. But this time, I had to get these words on paper. You may or may not agree with them; it doesn't matter. Just respect that this is my opinion, and everyone is entitled to one.

[begin writing]
"and she realized that, though the activities that she participated in that led to her child's conception weren't very smart, her decision to give her daughter life was the best choice she had ever made." -LW '10.

being a mother is a choice. just because you threw up this morning, went to get a stick to pee on and got a positive result doesn't make you a mother. it just makes you pregnant. probably. and when you confirm that you have a group of cells multiplying in your abdomen, like it or not, you have (as far as i know) 3 options: abort, give up or raise up. i don't believe in abortion for myself. as for others, they're the ones who have to live with their decisions, not me. BUT, and this is imperative: A DECISION NOT TO ABORT IS *NOT* A DECISION TO BE A MOTHER. a woman who - knowing that she could never properly raise a child - gives her baby up for adoption is a better mother than a woman who carries a child resentfully and raises that child in hate. to be a mother is to see your daughter for the very first time and already know that you'd do anything for her. to fell her pain when she gets her shots and her heart beat when you hold her tight, realizing that her heartbeat and yours are perfectly in sync. to know that from her first breath to (Lord willing) your last, all that you have you now share, and you'll never be able to make another decision without first thinking of how it would affect her. a true mother's (not egg donor's) love is completely unconditional, and her life is now lived for two. when you think about it, it's not unlike a marriage now: for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health... if you would vow to stick by a man through these things, wouldn't you do that and more for your own flseh and blood? a mother would. keep this in mind also: every woman who ahs given birht is NOT a mother, and every mother has NOT given birth. so, as previously stated, motherhodd is a choice. i've made mine.
-LW, 12-01-10 (Wednesday)

Just needed to get that off my chest and into cyberspace. And yes, I do know that I never posted for Gee's 8-month G*DAY. That post is coming tomorrow. Only 2 weeks late... :D