ramble, ramble... #1

just as i was doing good, i don't post for a week... shaking my head at myself, but oh well. i really need to go to bed, but i figured i'd get this thought out before it gets lost in my brain space, even though it's something that runs across my mind almost daily. it always irks me to hear parents (especially mothers) - especially those of babies and young children - complain about how inconvenient their children are, whether directly or indirectly. well, duh! parenthood is the antonym of "convenience". first, somebody has to do one of three things: 1) push the child(ren) out; 2) get the child(ren) cut out of their body; or 3) file all of the paperwork for adoption. while some of those may be more or less painful than the others, they are all inconvenient. no matter how much you love your child, there's no way you'd honestly say that getting up with your child at 3 in the a.m. is fun. it's not. cleaning yourself (and your child) up after she projectile spit-up all over you, your couch and the floor is not fun. cleaning bottles, cups, and high chairs; washing and stain treating poop-stained clothes; getting peed on...all not fun (although the last one, in certain situations, can be quite funny). however, all of these not fun things come with the amazing wondrousness of being a parent. and don't get me wrong, being a parent really is amazing wondrousness, about 92.33% of the time. i think i've started rambling; did i mention it was late? anyway, back to the point. the reason why this complaining irks me so is because parenthood is also a CHOICE, as i've explained in an earlier post. so if you make the choice to become a parent, don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you because your child is an "inconvenience". don't get me wrong; i have my moments, minutes, days where i'm like "man! this child is a piece of WORK!!" (yes, double exclamation points are totally necessary); that's not what i'm referring to. i'm referring to people who ignore their crying children in public places as they haggle over lottery tickets (didn't i just see you with a WIC folder? why do you have a lottery ticket anyway??). i'm referring to young parents who daily, publicly, loudly mourn the loss of their carefree youth due to the responsibilities of being a parent (GOTS ta be more careful! self included). i'm referring to parents who hurt or even murder their children because they were too expensive, too needy, crying too much and too frequently...i can't. i just don't understand how you could bring someone into this world, a someone who relies on you for protection, nurturing, love, guidance, PROTECTION, and you kill them? because they cried too much? or whatever the reason; they're all bad. but back to the point (again; it's getting really late). if you don't think you can handle parenthood, either don't have sex, use triple-quadruple protection during sex (but to be really sure, just don't have it), don't have the child, give the child to someone who is willing and able to be her parent, or suck it up and deal with the consequences of your actions. if you choose the last option - emphasis on CHOOSE - we really don't want to hear about every little inconvenience your child brings you. Really. Don't. Wanna. Hear. It. really. just keep those thoughts to yourself and focus on your love (i hope) for you child, and how you can raise that child the best way you can. if you can't do that, you seriously need to get some help, for your sanity and for the welfare of your child. there's no shame in telling someone that you think something isn't right with your mind; it's more common of a problem than you know...but more on that later (maybe). there'll be a much better post tomorrow or Saturday; working out another "Day in the Life" so Gee can tell y'all what a clumsy mother she has and how she deals with it. :D

- up WAY past bedtime elle :)

choice.

Gee is sleeping like the baby who inspired the phrase "sleeping like a baby." Whereas I am doing everything but trying to go to sleep. Insomnia? I don't quite know. Of late, I've just felt this intense urge to really and truly pull my life and myself together, not in a false way that will only last for a week or two, but a true lifestyle change. Organizing documents, pulling helpful articles out of magazines, getting an individual bank account that's not jointed with either of my parents. For whatever reason, the little me in my brain decided that it was time for both of us to get shaking on the path to independent adulthood. In the process of cleaning out my purse, I came across something that I wrote back in December while I was at work. I usually have so many thoughts going in my brain that I can't decide which ones to write down, so I write nothing. But this time, I had to get these words on paper. You may or may not agree with them; it doesn't matter. Just respect that this is my opinion, and everyone is entitled to one.

[begin writing]
"and she realized that, though the activities that she participated in that led to her child's conception weren't very smart, her decision to give her daughter life was the best choice she had ever made." -LW '10.

being a mother is a choice. just because you threw up this morning, went to get a stick to pee on and got a positive result doesn't make you a mother. it just makes you pregnant. probably. and when you confirm that you have a group of cells multiplying in your abdomen, like it or not, you have (as far as i know) 3 options: abort, give up or raise up. i don't believe in abortion for myself. as for others, they're the ones who have to live with their decisions, not me. BUT, and this is imperative: A DECISION NOT TO ABORT IS *NOT* A DECISION TO BE A MOTHER. a woman who - knowing that she could never properly raise a child - gives her baby up for adoption is a better mother than a woman who carries a child resentfully and raises that child in hate. to be a mother is to see your daughter for the very first time and already know that you'd do anything for her. to fell her pain when she gets her shots and her heart beat when you hold her tight, realizing that her heartbeat and yours are perfectly in sync. to know that from her first breath to (Lord willing) your last, all that you have you now share, and you'll never be able to make another decision without first thinking of how it would affect her. a true mother's (not egg donor's) love is completely unconditional, and her life is now lived for two. when you think about it, it's not unlike a marriage now: for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health... if you would vow to stick by a man through these things, wouldn't you do that and more for your own flseh and blood? a mother would. keep this in mind also: every woman who ahs given birht is NOT a mother, and every mother has NOT given birth. so, as previously stated, motherhodd is a choice. i've made mine.
-LW, 12-01-10 (Wednesday)

Just needed to get that off my chest and into cyberspace. And yes, I do know that I never posted for Gee's 8-month G*DAY. That post is coming tomorrow. Only 2 weeks late... :D