"it's been a long time, i shouldn't have left you [left you]..."

"...without a dope beat to step to."

lol. it's been almost a month since the last post? just sad...i was doing pretty well, too! ah, c'est la vie. i won't promise regularity, but as always, i'll do my best to be more regular. in posting, that is, not as in...never mind. ANYWHO!! i really despise the long catch-up posts that i used to do; they're so tedious and i always feel guilty if i don't include every detail, so i won't do those anymore. if you'd like to catch up with what we've been doing lately, find us on Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. now that that's out of the way, on to today's topic...

it's not easy being a mommy. especially a young mommy and/or mommy with no husband/boyfriend/partner/boo-thang/person-besides-your-family-and-friends-to-be-there-with-and-for-you-on-a-regular-basis. ask me how i know? well sure, i've been living with my parents ever since Gabriela was born, and yes, they've been awesome BEYOND the highest levels of awesomeness. but i'm about to be 5 hours away with them. in my own place. with G. just the two of us. so slowly but surely, i've been trying to wean myself off of their assistance. things like putting the car seat in or carrying the playpen around, which my daddy used to do, i insist that i do instead, because there won't be a man around to help on a regular basis when we move. i feel the urgent need to drill that into my head and get used to it before it becomes my reality. and talk about scaaaared??? who wouldn't be? HECK yes i'm scared. and worried that i won't adjust to truly being a single parent and student and living on my own. however, that's where the power of "faking it til you're making it" comes in. i had to do it when i first cut my hair and went natural three years ago. i HATED it for 2 months b/c i thought i looked like a boy, but i put my big hoops in, a little makeup on and acted like i was the just-about-bald headed queen of the world. until i believed it. and then i was the not-as-bald-headed queen of a small area. lol. but i'll be looking back on that queen and drawing on the confidence she exuded. i'll be the just-about-bald headed queen of MY world, where G is the junior queen-in-training and WE are unstoppable. i'll do my best to ask for help [i'm getting better about that], and will *always* offer my help to those in similar situations or who could benefit from my experiences. just because you're not always sure of what you're doing doesn't mean you can't help others along the way to finding your footing! too many people feel like they need to "get themselves together" before they can help anyone else. a lot of times, it's good for others to see that you have struggles, because they then no longer feel like they're trying to catch up with/learn from a perfect prototype. none of us are perfect. we all struggle. the least you can do is help someone who's struggling a little more than you are. i didn't really mean to go off on that tangent, but i bet somebody, somewhere out there needed to read that. so there it is! 

but back to the young moms: i don't normally say this, but we gotta stick together. not in that we must blindly follow every leader who was once a single mommy [like some people do for their particular race, and that goes for all races]. i'm saying that when we can, we need to help each other out! i'm always down to give what little advice i can to others, whether their child is just a few months younger or still in the womb. or sometimes, a year or so older. realize, ya'll, that just because we're young and haven't been mothers that long, we still have valuable information to offer to others. i've made a great friend who i may not have been as close with if we weren't both mothers. i can talk to her about things that i may not necessarily talk to with my other friends, simply because i know she can relate. i'm not saying you have to be BFFs with every Facebook friend that pops up pregnant. i wouldn't do that. it's as simple as giving an encouraging word during her pregnancy, offering assistance or baby clothes/supplies, whatever. small things really do make a difference. i don't always respond, but it warms my heart when people comment on pictures of G and compliment my mothering skills. little things. if you can, offer to keep another mommy's baby so that she can go grocery shopping or to the mall w/o worrying about changing a diaper. yuck, i'm rambling...but i think ya'll get the point. so i'll stop. if one person takes one thing from this post and applies it to real life, i'll be happy. :)

and i'll probably post again later today [or in like 5 minutes] as a treat/apology for staying away so long! you're welcome. hehe. until next time!

-love elle&gee-

PS: please excuse any typos. too lazy to go check!

proud single mother? ummm...

this ad popped up on the side of my Facebook, promoting a page called "Proud Single Moms". as i am a single mommy, i clicked on it, interested to see what information it provided. but as i thought about the title, Proud Single Moms, it made me think. i didn't even end up clicking on the page's provided link, because i was too busy pondering this thought: am i really a "proud" single mother? i have to say, my answer to that is "no." i am a proud mother, and i truly do not regret my decision to become a mother. however, i will admit to feelings of shame when i tell people that i have a daughter, and some of them sneak a peek at my ring-less left hand; some will straight up ask if i'm married; and some, knowing i'm not married, just give me that super-duper judgmental look like "oh, you're just another young black girl who got herself knocked up." initially, the shame tries to get the better of me, but then i stop myself and remember: sure, i may be a young black woman who got herself knocked up, but i am also a young black woman with a college degree. i am also a young black woman in the process of starting on another degree. i am a young black single mother who is not always trying to pawn my daughter off on others in order to hit the club and party. i am a young black single mother who, knowing that i would have no partner in my child's father, chose to be a young black single mother because i believe in taking responsibility for my actions, not running away from them or pretending like they didn't happen. i am a young black single mother on a mission to one day be a not-as-young-but-not-old married mother with a fulfilling job, happy relationship, and a fabulous life. what i am NOT is "just another" young black girl who got myself knocked up. i am NOT "just another" anything. i am Gabriela's mother, i am young, i am black, but i refuse to be the stereotype of a statistic. point being, though i may not always be so proud of the way in which i became a mother, i won't let it be a reason for people to doubt me. or for me to doubt myself. while "proud single mom" i am not, i am a proud mother. period. and there ain't no shame in my game when i say that. :)

-love elle&gee-

our village.

"it takes a village to raise a child." -African proverb

for part two of a reflection on my first mother's day, the quote above came to mind. i was browsing through today's Facebook shoutouts, which ranged from the simple "Happy Mother's Day!" to the lengthy "I just wanna take this time to thank my mama Dorothy Ray Sugar Pie Williams Jones Johnson who is responsible for every success and accomplishment in my life. I LOVE YOU MAMA! Oh yeah, and shoutout to grandma 'nem. Love ya'll too." LOL. what struck me though, as it does every year, were the many stati that made sure to recognize the single mothers who are "doing it alone". i thought about all of the single mothers i know, regardless of age, and i know that i can only speak for myself, but i can tell you that throughout this past [almost] year of raising my daughter, i have NOT been alone. am i married? definitely not. not even close. no boyfriend, beau, nothing. however, Gee and i are surrounded by her village: family, friends, mentors, associates... her village reaches across city, county, and state lines. although i plan on going to grad school five hours away from my parents and biological family, we have another family waiting for us when we get there. there may be a few exceptions, but i don't really think that any of us single mothers truly "do it alone". our support systems just don't begin with a significant other. they begin with our own mothers, and fathers, then reach out to our aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandparents, friends, and end with anyone we know who cares about our wellbeing and the wellbeing of our children. of course, i would love to eventually have a significant other to serve as a strong example of a father figure to my daughter. however, for now, my own father is doing an amazing job of filling that role. i suspect he'll continue to do so, even when [IF] that significant other comes into play. on this, my first mother's day, i give thanks to the Lord for everyone in Gee's village. because of you all, i am not doing it alone, nor will i ever have to. :)

by the way, i had a fab mother's day. i didn't do anything extravagant; i did receive some workout gear from the parentals. gotta love their support of my new workout plan :) i helped my daddy finish dinner prep and helped him clean the kitchen - after i woke up from my impromptu nap with Gee. my daddy and i worked as a team so that my mommy could hang out and relax in the bed: a luxury for a mother to three "energetic" [to put it nicely] boys plus a grown daughter [who can, admittedly, act like a spoiled brat sometimes...sorry :)]. my punkin went to bed relatively early, and as i write this, i'm enjoying a moderately-sized serving of Blue Bell's mint chocolate chip ice cream... it's the simple things that make a day special. i hope any other mothers reading this had a simply special mother's day, as well! until next time... :)

-love elle&gee-

"mamaaa, you know i love yooouuu" -BoysIIMen

i remember "back in the day" when my sister and i had the "Soul Food" movie soundtrack on cassette (yes, i'm old enough to remember cassette tapes!); this is the only song i ever listened to. i would hit the rewind button over and over again until i fell asleep, committing this song to my memory and my heart. i don't know that i really *felt* the lyrics back then. as a matter of fact, i know i didn't. but as i approach my first mother's day, i totally get it.

you taught me everything, and everything you've given me, i'll always keep it inside; you are the driving force in my life, oh yeah...


i was going to break down how i can relate to every single lyric of this song, but i can't, because i'd be writing until Mother's Day 2012. just click on the words above to read all of the lyrics; they'll tell you how i feel. without my mama, there's no way i'd be able to be such a [hopefully] great mommy to my G*Baby. i remember making that phone call to her, all the potential scenarios running through my head: she'll disown me, she'll scream at me, she'll curse me out [even though she doesn't curse], she won't say anything, i'll never be able to come home again, i'll have to figure out this motherhood thing all by myself... but what did my mother do? pray and take action. that's probably one of the most important lessons i've learned from her: when facing a tough problem, pray first, then take action steps to solve it. crazy that it takes moving back home AFTER college to learn the most important life lesson of all...

although i'm more than ready to move OUT of her house [more on that later...lol], i'll be forever grateful that she let me back in while i adjusted to motherhood and sorted myself out this past year. of course, everyone with a great mom thinks their mom is the best, which is true for them. what's true for me is that my mother, S.J.W., is THE best mother in the ENTIRE history of mothers, hands down bar none, and i love Love LOVE her. love her. and in case you didn't get it the first three times, I LOVE MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy mother's day, madre. :)

[Mother's Day, Pt. 2 tomorrow: my thoughts on my 1st mother's day as a MOTHER! woot woot!]

-love always, a very loving elle- :)

reflection/confession

written 11/11/10:

"finished reading 'Finding Fish' by Antwone Quenton Fisher today. amazing story of an amazing life. makes me realize how cushiony my life is; IDK why i can't get it together. if this man, who should (according to statistics) be rotting in jail right now, can overcome his obstacles - which were, like, Mt. Kilimanjaro-sized - why can't i hop over my little baby ant mound-sized issues? it's like i just keep throwing myself in the mound and lettings those annoying little ants keep biting me. it stings, but not enough for me to get up and move." -LW

yeah, i wrote that. 6 months ago. why? because although i walked across the stage May 8, 2010, i wasn't finished. i had yet to even start on my senior paper. yes, one paper standing in the way of me and the MAJOR "piece of paper". is it finished now? yes. will i have a degree? yes. will it have "2010" on it? no, but does that matter? heck no. why? because the point is, I. Will. Have. A. Degree. is this mildly embarrassing? sure it is. i asked myself a million times how i could let one paper take me over a year to finish. answer: i wasn't ready to get up out of the ant mound yet. i found myself getting entirely too comfortable in this little town of mine. no rent to pay, no bills, easy job...the life, right? wrong. i had to remember who i was at the core - an overachieving, non-settling, get-up-and-goer who HATED life at home and who couldn't WAIT to get away - and that woman was slapping me upside the head constantly, screaming "Get It TOGETHER and Get Up OUTTA This Joint!!" when i finally got tired of her screaming and slapping, i got myself up out of the ant mound and picked off all of those little ants one by one: self-doubt, fear, lack of courage, laziness, sluggishness... away they all went as i made myself conquer that paper.

now, i'm [mostly] ant-free, and my degree will be in the mail this summer. not only that, but my application for grad school is completed and turned in. not only that, but i just got back yesterday from an interview for a graduate assistantship! i thought it was too late and that i'd be taking out student loans for the first time ever in life. however, as my amazing sister told me: "when people are meant to go places, they can't stay in our small town for very long, and you were meant to go places." talk about a triple-shot of confidence-boosting juice right there; love that girl! point is, she's right. i was meant to go places, and to those places i shall go. rather we, because where i go, Gee goes, as i have fervently stated before. *does cabbage patch* Go Lauren, Go Lauren. LOL. gotta hype myself up sometimes!

now, it's time to play the waiting game; pray, pray, and after you get finished, pray again for me, people! i need & appreciate it more than you know :)

-love a *NERVOUS* elle

Vote of confidence.

Sometimes, it takes others' confidence in you in order for you to realize your greatness. You think, of course, that you know yourself best; surely someone with as many flaws as you could never succeed, never get into grad school, never be both a good mother and a good student. You would never be able to handle so heavy a load as all that. You apply anyway, try anyway, so certain of your imminent failure. After all, what could happen. At the worst, they say "Fahgeddaboudit." BUT, there's also the slim possibility that they might say "yes," which is almost scarier than rejection. Why? Because it means that someone out there believes that you can accomplish great things, even though you can't yet believe it yourself. It takes but one person or entity to give you that one vote of confidence needed for you to finally become unblinded by your flaws and see your own potential. When you get that vote, you feel as if your soul could rise and fly. You are powerful, invincible, and capable of sheer amazement. All you needed was that one vote. 

Now, replace the "you/your" with "I/me/my". Yeah, just had to testify right quick. Details later; just know that when you're ready to move AND God is ready to move you, you will move. It may take a while, or may happen in a matter of days, but eventually, You. Will. Move. Amen, and Aaaaa-MEN. :)

Ps: this was written on myPhone, so forgive any typos, please and thanks :)

lists 5, 6, 7 and some thoughts...

observation: more than one person has asked me "what about the baby?" when i tell them my plans of going to grad school. i say, "what about the baby?"
"aren't you going to leave her with your parents?"
huge PAUSE.
umm, no! i didn't decide to bring Gee into the world, only to dump her on my parents while i go and do my thing. for me, that's not how motherhood works. where i go, Gee goes. period. i guess it would be "easier" to leave Gee here and go to school, in that i wouldn't have to worry about getting her to school and playing with her when she's not ready for bed, even if i have a test the next morning...but motherhood is not "easy". and since Gee is MY daughter (not my parents), she and i will be going down the "non-easy" road together. if i were to leave my baby here, i'd be broke for trying to come see here all the time!! :) so no, i'm not leaving my baby anywhere besides the daycare around the way from campus. and that's that. hmph.

now, on a brighter note, it's time to catch up (once again) on my 30 Days of Lists!! i'll just jot them down here, for now; the cutesy journaled lists will come (hopefully) tomorrow... :)

List#CINCO: Weekend Goals
1| Rest
2| Relax
3| Hang out with G :)
4| Rest
5| RELAX!!

List#SEIS: Least Favorite Words/Phrases
1| "No Homo" :-/
2| "Swagger"
3| "No Homo" (really REALLY hate that phrase)
4| #winning
5| "i think she needs her diaper changed..." (LOL)

List#SIETE: BLOG GOALS!
1| Post 3-4 times a week/on a regular basis.
2| Be diligent about weekly features like "A Day in the Life", and start another one (probably music-related).
3| Quit going on post-hiatuses (is that how you pluralize "hiatus"? probably not...oh well)
4| Post more snippets/stories about Gee ("quit being selfish, Mom, jeez!")
5| Keep enjoying it! ;)

tomorrow, hopefully you'll see lists 8-10, plus it will be the 10-month G*DAY!! well, technically, it's already G*DAY, but that's neither here nor there. there'll be updated info on Gee's sophisticated palate (lol), hair breakthroughs (YES!), and movement. love that girl! nighty-night :D

-love elle&gee-

have you ever...

...wanted to record something your child did (write it/type it/text it/etc.), got distracted by your child, then totally forgot the cute thing they did that you wanted to record? i'm still trying to remember what Gee did earlier today that i wanted to write in her baby book. :/

...finished one task in a series of many tasks with such a feeling of accomplishment that you struggle to start on any of the other tasks because you feel too "done"? that has to make sense to somebody. the autobiography is complete; 7 neat, 1.5-spaced, 0.75-margined pages of my life. but now i have to edit it. and send it to other people so they can help me edit it. then i have to revise my resume. then i have to send out recommendation forms...o-m-jeez. [however, procrastination is apparently the best friend of this blog. lol.]

...been faced with a decision like this: keep someone in your life that you love Love LOVE and who love Love LOVES you (but who is also quite capable of draining you of energy and light and happiness) OR let that someone go and try to find someone who you think can make you happier (yet you still think about the first someone every single day, several times a day). i don't know that i really believe in 50th chances. i do believe that love sucks, though. lol.

...heard that cry over the monitor and fleetingly wondered what your life would be like without the little person behind the cry, then immediately felt foolish (because you can't change the past) and guilty (because you love that little person with all your heart)?

...been so deeply depressed that you shut yourself away from the world, emerging only for the necessities, communicating on a regular basis with only 4 or 5 people, barely eating, watching TV show after TV show in order to escape the inescapable and ridiculously sucky reality of your own life?

...trudged through your day to day life with no direction, no ambition, no long-term (and barely any short-term) goals until a light from heaven shines and you hear the choir of angels sing as you have that AHA! moment in which you figure out what it is you're supposed to be doing?

...been so naive that when your veil of ignorance is lifted, you just want to reach back into the past and slap yourself once or twice or ten times?

...loved someone so much that your heart fills to bursting with love every time that they smile?

...tried being stern with someone who doesn't know the meaning of stern so they just laugh when you say "No!" and you can't help but to laugh and hug and kiss them because they're only 8 months old and don't really care that their wiggling around is interfering with your hair-styling abilities?

...gone to pick up a little someone from daycare and seen the hugest, brightest smile a little someone could have, then heard their infectious giggle as you got closer to them and finally experienced the pure joy of a baby who is ecstatic to see their mother when you scoop the little someone up in your arms? o-m-jeez, i can't think of a more AH-MAAAA-ZING feeling in this world.

...rocked a little someone to sleep, fully intending to put them in the bed in five minutes, and end up holding them for the entire duration of their two-hour nap, maybe or maybe not falling asleep yourself? there's something so incredibly peaceful about watching a baby sleep...

...just started writing with no particular direction in mind and spill out a few pieces of your soul onto the keyboard? if not, you really should...even if you're the only one reading it, it's always better to release your burdens and hurts and pains rather than carrying them around with you. it gets really heavy after a while...

...run out of relevant things to say so you keep saying the same thing a bunch of different ways hoping no one will notice what you're doing, then finally decide to just stop and leave well enough alone?

for me, the answer is yes to all of the above. and you? :)

-procrastinating elle

PS: Gee has TWO TEETH! she won't let me get good pictures of them though, lol, but as soon as she does, you will see them. just as i thought she couldn't get any more adorable... :)

G*DAY and rainbows

changed the name back. idk, something just didn't seem right about the new one...it may change again. but more importantly, the 9-month G*DAY has come and gone. whoa!! my pumpkin (as i've begun calling her lately, for whatever reason) has one tooth and one on the way; she can walk with assistance; eats a few finger foods; and has the hugest baby afro (as evidenced by the picture in the second-to-last post). she is also becoming more affectionate. i love the way she'll hold my face with her little long-fingered hands, even if she does it as a prelude to yanking out my hair. i love how, after playing in her playpen for a while, she'll look at me with those huge brown eyes as if to say "mommy, you already know i'm ready to get out of here. save me the trouble of whining and come get me please!" which i do. i absolutely ADORE the grin i get when i come pick her up from daycare. mommyhood = love. total, unconditional, phenomenal love. YES!

one of my Facebook friends had a status posted one day that sums up life perfectly: "Why do we feel pain? We feel it 'cause it has a place on Earth, just as JOY does, and JOY always comes in the morning; it's just a matter of letting it come in..." when i found out i was pregnant, i thought the pain would never go away. the pain of disappointing and hurting those around me, the pain of Gee's rejection by the donor of half of her DNA, the pain of plans that would never come to fruition. but then, Gee came into my world and brought the morning and JOY along with her. instead of seeing her as the result of pain, i see her as a source of JOY and light in my life. i can't let myself circle the drain or let pain take over, because she needs me. and really, i need her just as much, to remind me that there is always JOY to be had, no matter how great the pain is. as Katy Perry says in my anthem "FIREWORK": "if you only knew what the future holds/after the hurricane, comes a rainbow". and baby Gee is my rainbow. love you babygirl :)

-love *elle&gee*

PS: that "Day in the Life" is still coming...just had to get this out into cyberspace first :)

road trip!

This past weekend, Gee and I traveled to Fayetteville, AR, to visit friends. The last time we went, Gee was only 4 months old. I had to stop an hour and a half in to feed her, and she couldn't even sit up yet. This time, I only had to stop an hour and a half in to change her diaper. HOWEVER, she cried for 30 minutes before we got to our checkpoint in Russellville. In those 30 minutes, I stopped about 4 times to give her acetaminophen, give her orajel, fix her some milk, give her some apple juice, readjust her toys, ANYTHING to get her to stop crying. None of it worked. So the last 10 miles, after trying to soothe her with my voice (to no avail), I drove in silence as Gee got louder and louder. We finally made it to the campus of Arkansas Tech, where we picked up my sister Toots. I hopped out of the car and checked on Gee; as soon as she saw my face, the crying ceased. I figured she was just glad to be still for awhile. I told Toots to get in the back with Gee, and as soon as I closed the door, the crying resumed. I scurried to get in the back and ordered my sister to drive while I sat next to Gee and let her play with my fingers. Mama's poor baby just wanted to see my face. Talk about feeling loved :) We had a nice lunch with Toots and her boo, and Gee had a first taste of French fries (which she loved, of course). Then, it was time to get back in the road. I prayed that Gee would sleep for the remaining hour and a half of the trip; she was knocked out not even 10 minutes after leaving Russellville, and she didn't wake up until I turned onto the Razorback Road exit; who says God doesn't answer prayers? And did I mention that Gee has one of her bottom teeth coming in? Hence the acetaminophen and orajel; I promise I wasn't giving her drugs just for the heck of it...

Anyways, we arrived safely in Fay. We visited some friends on campus first, then went to our weekend residence: a house occupied by 2 of my line sisters. Gee and I spent more time at the house this time, just relaxing and napping. A teething baby especially needs her rest, and Gee is so busy checking out her surroundings most of the time that she can no longer sleep with a lot of people around. That being said, though, we still got in a lot of quality time with people we haven't seen in a while. I was especially excited about seeing A & G2. A had G2 in November, and after Facebook stalking each other, we became FB BFFs, therefore making Gee (G1) and G2 BFFs by default. They just had to meet. So Gee and I went over to A's house, where we stayed for almost 2 hours, swapping stories of young single mommyhood and marveling over how precious each others babies were. Before we left, of course we had to get pics of the new friends. Cutest thing ever. The weekend ended with church, sushi and a highly motivating conversation with one of my LSs. We hit the road Monday morning and made it safely home.

How motivating was that convo, you ask? Today at work, while the kiddos watched videos, I handwrote 10.5 pages of the first draft of my personal statement as part of my application to the M.Ed. in Student Affairs program at the University of Arkansas. I feel comfortable enough to speak it out loud, write it down, and say it proud because I now KNOW in what direction I want my life to go, and I got the mojo to get Gee and me there. It is now officially grind time for this mama, mostly thanks to our road trip. So watch me work! :D

-love elle&gee

PS: here's a picture taken right before we left Fay. can you say fro'TASTIC!? the hair is crazy, people!
[caption id="attachment_66" align="aligncenter" width="224" caption="who ever heard of an 8-month-old with this much hair? "][/caption]

choice.

Gee is sleeping like the baby who inspired the phrase "sleeping like a baby." Whereas I am doing everything but trying to go to sleep. Insomnia? I don't quite know. Of late, I've just felt this intense urge to really and truly pull my life and myself together, not in a false way that will only last for a week or two, but a true lifestyle change. Organizing documents, pulling helpful articles out of magazines, getting an individual bank account that's not jointed with either of my parents. For whatever reason, the little me in my brain decided that it was time for both of us to get shaking on the path to independent adulthood. In the process of cleaning out my purse, I came across something that I wrote back in December while I was at work. I usually have so many thoughts going in my brain that I can't decide which ones to write down, so I write nothing. But this time, I had to get these words on paper. You may or may not agree with them; it doesn't matter. Just respect that this is my opinion, and everyone is entitled to one.

[begin writing]
"and she realized that, though the activities that she participated in that led to her child's conception weren't very smart, her decision to give her daughter life was the best choice she had ever made." -LW '10.

being a mother is a choice. just because you threw up this morning, went to get a stick to pee on and got a positive result doesn't make you a mother. it just makes you pregnant. probably. and when you confirm that you have a group of cells multiplying in your abdomen, like it or not, you have (as far as i know) 3 options: abort, give up or raise up. i don't believe in abortion for myself. as for others, they're the ones who have to live with their decisions, not me. BUT, and this is imperative: A DECISION NOT TO ABORT IS *NOT* A DECISION TO BE A MOTHER. a woman who - knowing that she could never properly raise a child - gives her baby up for adoption is a better mother than a woman who carries a child resentfully and raises that child in hate. to be a mother is to see your daughter for the very first time and already know that you'd do anything for her. to fell her pain when she gets her shots and her heart beat when you hold her tight, realizing that her heartbeat and yours are perfectly in sync. to know that from her first breath to (Lord willing) your last, all that you have you now share, and you'll never be able to make another decision without first thinking of how it would affect her. a true mother's (not egg donor's) love is completely unconditional, and her life is now lived for two. when you think about it, it's not unlike a marriage now: for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health... if you would vow to stick by a man through these things, wouldn't you do that and more for your own flseh and blood? a mother would. keep this in mind also: every woman who ahs given birht is NOT a mother, and every mother has NOT given birth. so, as previously stated, motherhodd is a choice. i've made mine.
-LW, 12-01-10 (Wednesday)

Just needed to get that off my chest and into cyberspace. And yes, I do know that I never posted for Gee's 8-month G*DAY. That post is coming tomorrow. Only 2 weeks late... :D