t.f.t.p. tuesday: sweet summertime.

ya'll should already know what "t.f.t.p." means... if not, please reference this post. lol. now that we have that out of the way, let's talk Memorial Day weekend! all 6 of us Wilson kids [if you include Gee] had some fun in the sun as we swam Monday morning away. Gee was only out there for 30 minutes, and she got browner than i've ever gotten in my life! don't believe me? see for yourself:

this weekend was one not only of brown-ness, but also of some major milestones [in my eyes, anyway]. sweet baby Gee no longer uses a pacifier OR drinks formula!! let me tell you, the latter development was a much easier transition than the former. story time! because i know ya'll love my stories...lol :) Saturday, Gee and i went over to Old Ben Ivery's [my grandpa's] house to pick up some things for my apartment [*insert excited squeal here*]. when i got home, i realized that i had left Gee's pacifier over there. seeing as i was already settled in at the house and had no intentions of leaving again that night, i figured that must have been a sign for me to try and get Gee to go to sleep without it. that was the only thing she was using it for, anyways; she was rarely using the pacifier during the day anymore. so when bedtime rolled around, about 9:30ish pm, Gee sat in the recliner with her PawPaw, screaming in sleep delirium. she'd had her dinner and her bedtime cup of milk; there wasn't much else we could do but rock her and listen to her scream. she kept twisting around trying to look at me, so i figured she needed her mommy to put her to sleep [lol]. i took her in the kitchen, fixed her a cup of water, and sat on the couch in the den where it was cool and quiet. she calmed down and drank the water, and i could tell she was full, but she still kept sucking on the cup, as if it were a paci. when i tried to take it from her, she started screaming again, so i gave it back to her, and she stopped. but she didn't put it back in her mouth. so i took her in our room and sat in the rocking chair. she kept a tight grip on the cup, but as i rocked and talked and sang and shushed, she eventually drifted off into dreamland. she finally relaxed her grip on the cup enough for me to take it out of her hands. i figured it was finally safe to put her in her crib. however, when i did, she promptly woke up and started screaming again. i picked her back up and swayed and shushed and sang some more until she calmed down. then i put her back in the crib and rocked her and rubbed her belly. voila! sleeping baby with no pacifier. was it difficult? yeah duh!!! but it was time. if there's one thing i can't stand, it's an older toddler [18-36 months] walking around with a paci in their mouth. while i was still pregnant, i was determined that my baby would NOT be one of those kids. mission accomplished :D

ok, story time is over! now enjoy some more Memorial Day pics:

mommy, baby, and auntie :)

Uncle Caleb

the Wilson kiddos!

us again! :)

coming up soon: a reflection on what i've learned while working with 1st and 2nd graders for the past two weeks, and how i can apply it to my planned career path...sounds interesting, right? :) until next time!

-love elle&gee-

proud single mother? ummm...

this ad popped up on the side of my Facebook, promoting a page called "Proud Single Moms". as i am a single mommy, i clicked on it, interested to see what information it provided. but as i thought about the title, Proud Single Moms, it made me think. i didn't even end up clicking on the page's provided link, because i was too busy pondering this thought: am i really a "proud" single mother? i have to say, my answer to that is "no." i am a proud mother, and i truly do not regret my decision to become a mother. however, i will admit to feelings of shame when i tell people that i have a daughter, and some of them sneak a peek at my ring-less left hand; some will straight up ask if i'm married; and some, knowing i'm not married, just give me that super-duper judgmental look like "oh, you're just another young black girl who got herself knocked up." initially, the shame tries to get the better of me, but then i stop myself and remember: sure, i may be a young black woman who got herself knocked up, but i am also a young black woman with a college degree. i am also a young black woman in the process of starting on another degree. i am a young black single mother who is not always trying to pawn my daughter off on others in order to hit the club and party. i am a young black single mother who, knowing that i would have no partner in my child's father, chose to be a young black single mother because i believe in taking responsibility for my actions, not running away from them or pretending like they didn't happen. i am a young black single mother on a mission to one day be a not-as-young-but-not-old married mother with a fulfilling job, happy relationship, and a fabulous life. what i am NOT is "just another" young black girl who got myself knocked up. i am NOT "just another" anything. i am Gabriela's mother, i am young, i am black, but i refuse to be the stereotype of a statistic. point being, though i may not always be so proud of the way in which i became a mother, i won't let it be a reason for people to doubt me. or for me to doubt myself. while "proud single mom" i am not, i am a proud mother. period. and there ain't no shame in my game when i say that. :)

-love elle&gee-

Vote of confidence.

Sometimes, it takes others' confidence in you in order for you to realize your greatness. You think, of course, that you know yourself best; surely someone with as many flaws as you could never succeed, never get into grad school, never be both a good mother and a good student. You would never be able to handle so heavy a load as all that. You apply anyway, try anyway, so certain of your imminent failure. After all, what could happen. At the worst, they say "Fahgeddaboudit." BUT, there's also the slim possibility that they might say "yes," which is almost scarier than rejection. Why? Because it means that someone out there believes that you can accomplish great things, even though you can't yet believe it yourself. It takes but one person or entity to give you that one vote of confidence needed for you to finally become unblinded by your flaws and see your own potential. When you get that vote, you feel as if your soul could rise and fly. You are powerful, invincible, and capable of sheer amazement. All you needed was that one vote. 

Now, replace the "you/your" with "I/me/my". Yeah, just had to testify right quick. Details later; just know that when you're ready to move AND God is ready to move you, you will move. It may take a while, or may happen in a matter of days, but eventually, You. Will. Move. Amen, and Aaaaa-MEN. :)

Ps: this was written on myPhone, so forgive any typos, please and thanks :)

lists 5, 6, 7 and some thoughts...

observation: more than one person has asked me "what about the baby?" when i tell them my plans of going to grad school. i say, "what about the baby?"
"aren't you going to leave her with your parents?"
huge PAUSE.
umm, no! i didn't decide to bring Gee into the world, only to dump her on my parents while i go and do my thing. for me, that's not how motherhood works. where i go, Gee goes. period. i guess it would be "easier" to leave Gee here and go to school, in that i wouldn't have to worry about getting her to school and playing with her when she's not ready for bed, even if i have a test the next morning...but motherhood is not "easy". and since Gee is MY daughter (not my parents), she and i will be going down the "non-easy" road together. if i were to leave my baby here, i'd be broke for trying to come see here all the time!! :) so no, i'm not leaving my baby anywhere besides the daycare around the way from campus. and that's that. hmph.

now, on a brighter note, it's time to catch up (once again) on my 30 Days of Lists!! i'll just jot them down here, for now; the cutesy journaled lists will come (hopefully) tomorrow... :)

List#CINCO: Weekend Goals
1| Rest
2| Relax
3| Hang out with G :)
4| Rest
5| RELAX!!

List#SEIS: Least Favorite Words/Phrases
1| "No Homo" :-/
2| "Swagger"
3| "No Homo" (really REALLY hate that phrase)
4| #winning
5| "i think she needs her diaper changed..." (LOL)

List#SIETE: BLOG GOALS!
1| Post 3-4 times a week/on a regular basis.
2| Be diligent about weekly features like "A Day in the Life", and start another one (probably music-related).
3| Quit going on post-hiatuses (is that how you pluralize "hiatus"? probably not...oh well)
4| Post more snippets/stories about Gee ("quit being selfish, Mom, jeez!")
5| Keep enjoying it! ;)

tomorrow, hopefully you'll see lists 8-10, plus it will be the 10-month G*DAY!! well, technically, it's already G*DAY, but that's neither here nor there. there'll be updated info on Gee's sophisticated palate (lol), hair breakthroughs (YES!), and movement. love that girl! nighty-night :D

-love elle&gee-

you're not my mommy...

i got a pretty drastic hair cut today. i've been natural for 2.5 years now, but i've still been harboring an obsession with having long hair. however, i don't have the patience to comb through the hair jungle on top of my head, so i finally freed myself of the "long hair don't care" mentality and cut it all off. again. lol, here's before:

to think, i used to have a bigger 'fro than that! terrible. anyways, here's how it looks after a chop, wash, and a good eyebrow arching (first time since last March...wow, that sounds really bad. wait, that is really bad!):

not only low-maintenance, but NO maintenance. truly get up and go. sure, it's short...and?? i may let it grow out a little bit, but as i told my beautician when she got finished: "i could keep this hairstyle for the rest of my life!!" especially after i've been told that it slims my face. *high-five-ing myself* now, while i'm over here feeling all free and liberated, i'm sure you're wondering what Miss Gee's take on mommy's new 'do is...

...she barely recognized me when i picked her up from daycare today. i know, "OMGee!" right? she usually gives me a huge smile when i walk in the door, but today she looked at me like "who are YOU?" it wasn't until she heard my voice that she thought i *might* be her mommy. even then, she looked at my hair (or lack thereof), then at my face. then back at my hair, and back at my face. and finally, gave me a sliver of a smile. one perceptive baby, that girl of mine. :) but i was just in disbelief! i guess i shouldn't have been; it is a pretty drastic change, but after the daycare thing, i kind of felt bad just springing my new hairstyle on Gee without warning her first. yes, that is crazy talk, because how in the heck do you "warn" a 9-month-old that you're switching up your hairstyle? exactly... anywho, she got over it by the time we got home, and gave me her customary "hurry up and free me from this carseat!" grin when i opened her car door. i'm still amazed by the fact that she actually looked at my hair, then at my face. not once, but twice. they say babies don't understand a lot of things at this age, but i beg to differ. nothing gets by miss Gee!

- needing to go to bed, especially since Gee woke up from her sleep so her mommy could pick her up and put her in bed with her, but since mommy felt the need to post this "real quick", Gee is sleeping in her mommy's lap...at least she's sleep! ok, we're going to bed riiiiiight....NOW! - ELLE :D

ramble, ramble... #1

just as i was doing good, i don't post for a week... shaking my head at myself, but oh well. i really need to go to bed, but i figured i'd get this thought out before it gets lost in my brain space, even though it's something that runs across my mind almost daily. it always irks me to hear parents (especially mothers) - especially those of babies and young children - complain about how inconvenient their children are, whether directly or indirectly. well, duh! parenthood is the antonym of "convenience". first, somebody has to do one of three things: 1) push the child(ren) out; 2) get the child(ren) cut out of their body; or 3) file all of the paperwork for adoption. while some of those may be more or less painful than the others, they are all inconvenient. no matter how much you love your child, there's no way you'd honestly say that getting up with your child at 3 in the a.m. is fun. it's not. cleaning yourself (and your child) up after she projectile spit-up all over you, your couch and the floor is not fun. cleaning bottles, cups, and high chairs; washing and stain treating poop-stained clothes; getting peed on...all not fun (although the last one, in certain situations, can be quite funny). however, all of these not fun things come with the amazing wondrousness of being a parent. and don't get me wrong, being a parent really is amazing wondrousness, about 92.33% of the time. i think i've started rambling; did i mention it was late? anyway, back to the point. the reason why this complaining irks me so is because parenthood is also a CHOICE, as i've explained in an earlier post. so if you make the choice to become a parent, don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you because your child is an "inconvenience". don't get me wrong; i have my moments, minutes, days where i'm like "man! this child is a piece of WORK!!" (yes, double exclamation points are totally necessary); that's not what i'm referring to. i'm referring to people who ignore their crying children in public places as they haggle over lottery tickets (didn't i just see you with a WIC folder? why do you have a lottery ticket anyway??). i'm referring to young parents who daily, publicly, loudly mourn the loss of their carefree youth due to the responsibilities of being a parent (GOTS ta be more careful! self included). i'm referring to parents who hurt or even murder their children because they were too expensive, too needy, crying too much and too frequently...i can't. i just don't understand how you could bring someone into this world, a someone who relies on you for protection, nurturing, love, guidance, PROTECTION, and you kill them? because they cried too much? or whatever the reason; they're all bad. but back to the point (again; it's getting really late). if you don't think you can handle parenthood, either don't have sex, use triple-quadruple protection during sex (but to be really sure, just don't have it), don't have the child, give the child to someone who is willing and able to be her parent, or suck it up and deal with the consequences of your actions. if you choose the last option - emphasis on CHOOSE - we really don't want to hear about every little inconvenience your child brings you. Really. Don't. Wanna. Hear. It. really. just keep those thoughts to yourself and focus on your love (i hope) for you child, and how you can raise that child the best way you can. if you can't do that, you seriously need to get some help, for your sanity and for the welfare of your child. there's no shame in telling someone that you think something isn't right with your mind; it's more common of a problem than you know...but more on that later (maybe). there'll be a much better post tomorrow or Saturday; working out another "Day in the Life" so Gee can tell y'all what a clumsy mother she has and how she deals with it. :D

- up WAY past bedtime elle :)

autobiography with a side of beans, please.

i've made a couple of references to the personal statement/autobiography that i'm writing for my application. it's only supposed to be 4 - 7 pages; i already have 9 typewritten, double-spaced pages, with 4 more handwritten pages to type. i know, "whoa!" my mama always told me that, once i started writing, my story would just spill out onto the page; i don't know how, but mama always knows best, at least 99.7% of the time. it was like i cut open my literary vein, and the words of my autobiography bled onto the pages of my notebook. even though i had to do a lot of summarizing, it felt so cleansing to talk about some parts of my life in a way that i hadn't really talked about to anyone. if i wrote all the details, i'd have a book with pages numbering in the hundreds. but, for now, all i need is 4 - 7. a few pages to tell the good people of the selection committee about the highlights of my 22-year-old life and how they led me to Student Affairs. the hardest part is deciding what to include and what to omit; trying to paint a wholly realistic portrait of myself without hyping up my "good side", sugar-coating my "bad side", and exaggerating the tough times... jeez, now that i put it that way, it seems an almost impossible task. but just "almost". i can work with that. it used to seem "almost" impossible that my life would continue after having a baby: clearly, i'm still living :) so anywho, back to the autobiography i go... just had to take a little break.

love -elle&gee-

PS: i don't think i'll let Gee eat beans again until she's potty-trained. she had some for lunch, and after our afternoon nap, her diaper EXPLODED. i mean, it's happened before, but it had been awhile. and it was one of those fruity-smelling poop diapers, too. yuck. "beans, beans, the magical fruit..." ya'll know the rest LOL. and did i mention that i got suckered into letting her have her first taste of cake, too? maybe that contributed to the explosion...at least it didn't have frosting on it. :)

time change

i'm still awake at 5:49am, and i blame the time change. terrible, right? i know, but since i'm up, i figured i'd get in a quickie post. sometimes, Gee is such a good baby that i get scared thinking about what she's gonna be like as a tween/teenager. i mean, i'm pretty sure she can't be this good forever, right? not that i'm complaining [Lord, i'm definitely not complaining], but there are so many issues that i haven't had to deal with; i.e.: sleeping through the night and transitioning from bottle to sippy cups. there may be those of you who'd tell me to shut up and count my blessings. which i do. so i guess i'd better shut up now...

...but still, isn't it weird? ok, ok, i'm done. :)

-insomniac elle.