Showing posts with label testimony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label testimony. Show all posts

5.27.2011

"closer to my dreams": a testimony.


i'm pretty sure that my Facebook friends are tired of my posting this song, but, as it is my current theme song, they'll have to get over it! because i'm "...moving higher/*CLOSER TO MY DREAMS*/and higher and higher, higher/feel it in my being..." let the music play as you read this story:


on Friday, April 22nd, i received a text message about applying for an assistantship. seeing as how i hadn't even completed my senior paper nor my application to the Higher Education Master's program (at the YOU of A), i had no expectations of getting an assistantship, and figured that, if i made it into grad school, i'd just get some student loans to take care of it until i could hunt down some other form of assistance. so to say that this opportunity fell into my lap is a total understatement! of course, i said yes, and was told to send my resume, cover letter and reference list by that Sunday (two days later). after finally finishing the senior paper early Saturday, i began working on my first cover letter ever. which was kind of weird, because i always feel strange when i have to talk about myself and my accomplishments. but i managed to get something on paper, and after making my parents look over the letter and my resume [for the millionth time], i sent them off into cyberspace on Sunday, April 24th. not expecting to hear anything back for at least a week, i go about my business. Tuesday, April 26th, i check my email and what do i see? "Congratulations! You are a finalist for the Office of Diversity Programs Graduate Assistantship Position." whaaaaaaat!?!?!? super excited! i read the email to my mother, mentioning that they wanted me to come up to Fayetteville for an interview on Monday, May 2nd. i had already agreed to sub that day, so i asked her if i should just to ask for a phone interview. "NO!" she told me emphatically. "You call SubTeach and tell them that you won't be able to work, and you go up there for that interview! I'll keep Gabriela for you." yes ma'am! what else could i say? so that Sunday i found myself gearing up for my first solo trip to Fayetteville since having Gee. it was quite strange for the only sounds to be my own screaming [singing] at the top of my lungs instead of Gabriela's wailing cries. nice, but still strange. i interviewed Monday morning, turned in my application to the Master's program after that, and headed home on Tuesday, feeling confident yet anxious to hear the results. and results, i did hear! Monday, May 9th, i was running an errand. when i got back in my car, i saw that i had a missed call from a University of Arkansas number. i rushed to call it back, and in turn received the sweet, sweet news that i was selected to be the new graduate assistant for the Office of Diversity Programs in the Walton College of Business!! i could barely control my emotions, yet i somehow managed to make it through the short conversation without crying. however, when i called my mother as i was on my way back to the house, the tears burst from my eyes. i was so unbelievably overcome at how God had begun to show me what His intentions were for me. i was still in shock when i stepped through the door and gave my mama a huge hug, then called my daddy, sister, grandpa, etc. well, not really etc.; i didn't want to tell too many people since i hadn't yet officially been accepted to the program, something that i was nervous about for the sole reason that my GPA had suffered quite a bit during my last semester of classes, due to the depression and laziness brought on by my last trimester of pregnancy. i checked my email several times daily, looking for a word from the powers that be at the graduate school. finally, after all of my references were in and my application was submitted for review, i got an email on Friday, May 20th from the program coordinator, Dr. Murry, asking when i would be available for 30-minute phone interview. we decided on Wednesday, May 25th at 4pm. i rushed home from school to charge my phone, and sat on the couch waiting for the phone to ring. when it did, Dr. Murry introduced himself again, and he explained that, as the program coordinator, he would decided whether or not he would admit me to the program after our conversation. that made me both happy and apprehensive; happy because the waiting game would finally end, and apprehensive because i might say the wrong thing or my GPA might drag down the rest of my application. Dr. Murry told me details about the program, then asked me a few questions. i won't get into all those details, because the important part is this: "After reviewing your application and hearing your answers to my questions just now, i have made the decision to admit you into the program." JACKPOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn't thank him enough, i was SO happy to finally be able to yell to the world that i am OFFICIALLY going to be a grad student in August! and couldn't have done it without my awesome family, friends, mentors, supporters, and, of course, the Lord, who had to have orchestrated all of this. from a text message, i have a way to pay for my higher education. it still makes me sit back and sigh in awe. tell me He isn't amazing, and i'll tell you to read this story again, and i know that you'll have no choice but to change your mind. this is my testimony, and i'm gonna tell everybody i know. Thank You GOD! excuse all of the exclamation points in this post, but i'm still on cloud fifty-leven hunnid million!!!

until next time!

-love elle&gee-

5.04.2011

reflection/confession

written 11/11/10:

"finished reading 'Finding Fish' by Antwone Quenton Fisher today. amazing story of an amazing life. makes me realize how cushiony my life is; IDK why i can't get it together. if this man, who should (according to statistics) be rotting in jail right now, can overcome his obstacles - which were, like, Mt. Kilimanjaro-sized - why can't i hop over my little baby ant mound-sized issues? it's like i just keep throwing myself in the mound and lettings those annoying little ants keep biting me. it stings, but not enough for me to get up and move." -LW

yeah, i wrote that. 6 months ago. why? because although i walked across the stage May 8, 2010, i wasn't finished. i had yet to even start on my senior paper. yes, one paper standing in the way of me and the MAJOR "piece of paper". is it finished now? yes. will i have a degree? yes. will it have "2010" on it? no, but does that matter? heck no. why? because the point is, I. Will. Have. A. Degree. is this mildly embarrassing? sure it is. i asked myself a million times how i could let one paper take me over a year to finish. answer: i wasn't ready to get up out of the ant mound yet. i found myself getting entirely too comfortable in this little town of mine. no rent to pay, no bills, easy job...the life, right? wrong. i had to remember who i was at the core - an overachieving, non-settling, get-up-and-goer who HATED life at home and who couldn't WAIT to get away - and that woman was slapping me upside the head constantly, screaming "Get It TOGETHER and Get Up OUTTA This Joint!!" when i finally got tired of her screaming and slapping, i got myself up out of the ant mound and picked off all of those little ants one by one: self-doubt, fear, lack of courage, laziness, sluggishness... away they all went as i made myself conquer that paper.

now, i'm [mostly] ant-free, and my degree will be in the mail this summer. not only that, but my application for grad school is completed and turned in. not only that, but i just got back yesterday from an interview for a graduate assistantship! i thought it was too late and that i'd be taking out student loans for the first time ever in life. however, as my amazing sister told me: "when people are meant to go places, they can't stay in our small town for very long, and you were meant to go places." talk about a triple-shot of confidence-boosting juice right there; love that girl! point is, she's right. i was meant to go places, and to those places i shall go. rather we, because where i go, Gee goes, as i have fervently stated before. *does cabbage patch* Go Lauren, Go Lauren. LOL. gotta hype myself up sometimes!

now, it's time to play the waiting game; pray, pray, and after you get finished, pray again for me, people! i need & appreciate it more than you know :)

-love a *NERVOUS* elle

4.28.2011

Vote of confidence.

Sometimes, it takes others' confidence in you in order for you to realize your greatness. You think, of course, that you know yourself best; surely someone with as many flaws as you could never succeed, never get into grad school, never be both a good mother and a good student. You would never be able to handle so heavy a load as all that. You apply anyway, try anyway, so certain of your imminent failure. After all, what could happen. At the worst, they say "Fahgeddaboudit." BUT, there's also the slim possibility that they might say "yes," which is almost scarier than rejection. Why? Because it means that someone out there believes that you can accomplish great things, even though you can't yet believe it yourself. It takes but one person or entity to give you that one vote of confidence needed for you to finally become unblinded by your flaws and see your own potential. When you get that vote, you feel as if your soul could rise and fly. You are powerful, invincible, and capable of sheer amazement. All you needed was that one vote. 

Now, replace the "you/your" with "I/me/my". Yeah, just had to testify right quick. Details later; just know that when you're ready to move AND God is ready to move you, you will move. It may take a while, or may happen in a matter of days, but eventually, You. Will. Move. Amen, and Aaaaa-MEN. :)

Ps: this was written on myPhone, so forgive any typos, please and thanks :)