"mamaaa, you know i love yooouuu" -BoysIIMen

i remember "back in the day" when my sister and i had the "Soul Food" movie soundtrack on cassette (yes, i'm old enough to remember cassette tapes!); this is the only song i ever listened to. i would hit the rewind button over and over again until i fell asleep, committing this song to my memory and my heart. i don't know that i really *felt* the lyrics back then. as a matter of fact, i know i didn't. but as i approach my first mother's day, i totally get it.

you taught me everything, and everything you've given me, i'll always keep it inside; you are the driving force in my life, oh yeah...


i was going to break down how i can relate to every single lyric of this song, but i can't, because i'd be writing until Mother's Day 2012. just click on the words above to read all of the lyrics; they'll tell you how i feel. without my mama, there's no way i'd be able to be such a [hopefully] great mommy to my G*Baby. i remember making that phone call to her, all the potential scenarios running through my head: she'll disown me, she'll scream at me, she'll curse me out [even though she doesn't curse], she won't say anything, i'll never be able to come home again, i'll have to figure out this motherhood thing all by myself... but what did my mother do? pray and take action. that's probably one of the most important lessons i've learned from her: when facing a tough problem, pray first, then take action steps to solve it. crazy that it takes moving back home AFTER college to learn the most important life lesson of all...

although i'm more than ready to move OUT of her house [more on that later...lol], i'll be forever grateful that she let me back in while i adjusted to motherhood and sorted myself out this past year. of course, everyone with a great mom thinks their mom is the best, which is true for them. what's true for me is that my mother, S.J.W., is THE best mother in the ENTIRE history of mothers, hands down bar none, and i love Love LOVE her. love her. and in case you didn't get it the first three times, I LOVE MY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy mother's day, madre. :)

[Mother's Day, Pt. 2 tomorrow: my thoughts on my 1st mother's day as a MOTHER! woot woot!]

-love always, a very loving elle- :)

reflection/confession

written 11/11/10:

"finished reading 'Finding Fish' by Antwone Quenton Fisher today. amazing story of an amazing life. makes me realize how cushiony my life is; IDK why i can't get it together. if this man, who should (according to statistics) be rotting in jail right now, can overcome his obstacles - which were, like, Mt. Kilimanjaro-sized - why can't i hop over my little baby ant mound-sized issues? it's like i just keep throwing myself in the mound and lettings those annoying little ants keep biting me. it stings, but not enough for me to get up and move." -LW

yeah, i wrote that. 6 months ago. why? because although i walked across the stage May 8, 2010, i wasn't finished. i had yet to even start on my senior paper. yes, one paper standing in the way of me and the MAJOR "piece of paper". is it finished now? yes. will i have a degree? yes. will it have "2010" on it? no, but does that matter? heck no. why? because the point is, I. Will. Have. A. Degree. is this mildly embarrassing? sure it is. i asked myself a million times how i could let one paper take me over a year to finish. answer: i wasn't ready to get up out of the ant mound yet. i found myself getting entirely too comfortable in this little town of mine. no rent to pay, no bills, easy job...the life, right? wrong. i had to remember who i was at the core - an overachieving, non-settling, get-up-and-goer who HATED life at home and who couldn't WAIT to get away - and that woman was slapping me upside the head constantly, screaming "Get It TOGETHER and Get Up OUTTA This Joint!!" when i finally got tired of her screaming and slapping, i got myself up out of the ant mound and picked off all of those little ants one by one: self-doubt, fear, lack of courage, laziness, sluggishness... away they all went as i made myself conquer that paper.

now, i'm [mostly] ant-free, and my degree will be in the mail this summer. not only that, but my application for grad school is completed and turned in. not only that, but i just got back yesterday from an interview for a graduate assistantship! i thought it was too late and that i'd be taking out student loans for the first time ever in life. however, as my amazing sister told me: "when people are meant to go places, they can't stay in our small town for very long, and you were meant to go places." talk about a triple-shot of confidence-boosting juice right there; love that girl! point is, she's right. i was meant to go places, and to those places i shall go. rather we, because where i go, Gee goes, as i have fervently stated before. *does cabbage patch* Go Lauren, Go Lauren. LOL. gotta hype myself up sometimes!

now, it's time to play the waiting game; pray, pray, and after you get finished, pray again for me, people! i need & appreciate it more than you know :)

-love a *NERVOUS* elle

taste the rainbow!

i'm pretty sure my mom is sick of hearing about rainbow cupcakes. lol. as you *should* know, a certain G*Baby has her 1st MAJOR G*Day coming up in 1 month and 9 days! i've decided to make the "theme" Cupcakes & Rainbows, so i'll be baking rainbow cupcakes for the occasion. after talking about this for the fifth time in three or four days, my mom was finally like, "You know, I'll just buy her a cake and you won't have to go through all that trouble."
"But if I wanted to buy her a cake, I would buy it myself. I want to bake the cupcakes myself! I know I can buy her a cake...I don't want to."
i didn't really mean to put her on shut-mouth, but i low-key did. -sorry mom-. anyway, the point is, i really really want to be one of those moms who has the "to-die-for" home-baked goods. i may not have a floor you can eat off of, but you'll be so busy eating my cupcakes and brownies, you won't even notice....hehe. :D

excuse me, just had to fantasize about the future for a moment. but back to the present. i'm determined to serve these homemade rainbow cupcakes at G's birthday celebration. i found the recipe at tablespoon.com. what i did differently:
-used 5 colors instead of 6. you have no clue how long it takes to mix food coloring into batter inside of a ziploc bag until you actually start doing it. i ended up using a spoon, and it still took plenty of time.
-i didn't make the rainbow toppers. i didn't even frost the cupcakes (making them look like muffins, which is what my little brothers keep calling them. lol.); after all of the work it took to make 5 colors of batter and pour each color, one by one, into the cupcake tin?? pssht, i was tired. i'm just a rookie baker, remember, so i wasn't used to doing all of that! anyway, i know you're just itching to see how they turned out...even if you aren't, you're going to find out anyway!

the main dish!

some mini-cupcakes i made with the leftover batter.

my brother's way of letting me know that they were a hit! :)

they were pretty good; cream cheese frosting would've made them fanTASTIC :)

for a first attempt, they weren't too bad; however, cupcakes need frosting like pizza needs ranch dressing. therefore, on the next attempt, there will be frosting. and M&Ms or something. i may eventually get bold enough to try the rainbow toppers, but i'm aight with them for now. until next time! :)

-love elle&gee-